Tuesday, April 30, 2013

ubah

Catchy word, that.

Obama did it perfectly all those years ago. CHANGE YOU CAN BELIEVE IN. There is perfection in simplicity. And there it was, right in front of everybody's face was a proven catchphrase that PR was clever enough to copy.

Unfortunately, those BN folks aren't quite as savvy when it comes to things like that. Observe.

Have you ever looked at Nik Aziz campaigning and wondered, why is this fella going on and on about "Ubah"?? This dude has been in power for the last 20 years! Surely a more appropriate campaign word for him would be "Kekal"??

No, but enough with the cynicism.

I agree with the fundamental principle of change.

Politicians are like diapers, they should be changed frequently, and because of the same reason.

But I think the electorate has to have a change in mentality too. For years, BN had been able to get away with bullshit precisely because people hero-worshiped them. There was a point when BN could have fielded a goat as a Parliamentary candidate and would have still won a landslide. We see a change today - but unfortunately, the only change we see is the different party logo that people seem to be worshiping. Last elections, PR fielded Loh Gwo Burne and won.

This has to change. The way I see it is simple.

Party policies can change. Party policies depend fundamentally on the people running the show. Therefore, the general electorate should NOT align themselves to any one party. Instead, I want to see a change in voter mentality. I want to see a voter STUDY the options available to them. Research the candidates at your area. Find out who they are, what do they stand for, what do they believe, what are their plans, what is their vision. These are all very important things.

There is no need to argue over economy, crime rate, or racism.

There are 222 MPs. If you vote 222 honest, hardworking and smart people, it doesn't matter which party they are from, they will fix things, and they will make things happen.

Unfortunately, we have people now worshiping Mat Tyson because he has left UMNO and joined PAS. Hah. Change you can believe in. Konon.

Monday, April 29, 2013

Questions nobody seem to be asking

The thing that everybody knows about our education system is that it produces a bunch of robots who are spoonfed everything, and then regurgitate everything they were told when asked. We've known this for years, and this is why BN's propaganda used to work like a charm.

These days, apparently the middle-class urbanites have woken up. Nobody believes BN propaganda any more. Nobody listens any more. Najib can tell you that crime rate has gone down, and it may be true, but nobody believes it. People are challenging conventional wisdom more and more these days, people are openly questioning what they have been told for years.

Nonsense.

The only difference between 15 years ago and now is that, instead of swallowing BN's nonsense today, the middle class are now swallowing PR's nonsense. Everything Lim Guan Eng says, everything Nik Aziz says - apparently that is true and pure. Nobody questions them. In fact, their propaganda is so fantastically awesome, that even the BN politicians are not even questioning it (but that is perhaps due to the fact that a lot of BN politicians are incompetent and are obviously not in a position to question).


Here is a question nobody seems to be asking:


How come DAP's CEC is now all-powerful again?

We all know this story. DAP messed up their elections last December. Instead of taking steps to rectify the mistake, Lim Guan Eng blames Microsoft Excel. Then, instead of cracking the whip in January, the Registrar of Societies decided to be an ass and suspend their CEC two days before nomination date.

Cue panic and drama. Kit Siang cries in a press conference. Guan Eng vents his fury at a "biased" BN government. They all claim that a suspended CEC means that none of them have any power to authorize the DAP candidates to use the Rocket logo.

Cue outrage from the Average Joe. Lawyers, business owners, corporate professionals - everybody is going ballistic on Facebook. Except that, these are the very people who should know better. There is no such thing that a suspended Board of Directors means the business must cease operations. This makes no sense, not in the business world, not anywhere. SOMEBODY within the organization would have the right, and would have the authority to act on behalf of the organization. Anyone with half an educated brain would have known this. And true enough, after all the sandiwara, they still managed to use their logo after "approval" from the RoS.

But if all that shit was true, the RoS and the EC only authorized them to use the logo on nomination day. RoS has not come out and said that the suspended CEC has been reinstated. If, as according to Lim Guan Eng, the CEC lost all its power as a result of the suspension, who the hell is approving all the disbursement of campaign funds today? Who has the authority to sack the DAP members who ran as independents? Who is the person who has the power to control the party's finances and disciplinary board but who has no power to authorize people to use a logo?

for a limited time only...

One of the main reasons I stopped blogging / ignored this blog / didn't bother with this idiocy was due to the popularity of Facebook. I started working longer and longer hours and as a result, I had to choose between doing other stuff that I enjoy, or writing here to entertain slash educate slash humour the masses.

The choice was simple.

But Facebook has gotten annoying. Yes, I know the elections are coming. But just like the World Cup every four years, suddenly every moron and his cat is an expert. Women who had never watched a game of football in their lives are suddenly how Italy are an awesome team because of Alejandro Del Piero and Fabio Carravagio (true story, by the way). Children who never read the news 6 months ago are today telling me how awesome that Anwar fella is. Well, fuck off.

And to be fair, even though I didn't share 20 posts a day from the "Unofficial Anwar Ibrahim Fan Club" page, or flood my friends' wall with unverified crap from the "1,000,000 Malaysians Reject MCA" page, I do acknowledge that my posts could be misconstrued as annoying to others.

So, I pledge, from now until the FUCKING ELECTIONS ARE OVER, my political rants will stay off Facebook and on to this (formerly) awesome blog.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

protest tourism

Today, we learn that these BERSIH folks want to stage another rally. As recent as a year ago, I would have written (or at least said to anyone within earshot) that this is ridiculous. These days, I have realised that Malaysians are politically immature. Just the other day, someone accused me of being pro-BN, just because I had the audacity say PR was talking rubbish.

This coming elections, I think battlelines have been long drawn. If you support somebody, it is pretty much set in stone and impossible to change your mind. It would be a waste of my time to ask you to fully educate yourself because if you wanted to, you would have already.

Therefore, I am going to make the best out of this BERSIH protest. So, listen up. And if you know that Ng Yen Yen woman or any of those Tourism Ministry folks, send them my way and I can give them free advise.

Let's get one thing straight. No matter what the government does, this thing will go ahead. If I was in power, or had some say, I would not fight it. Not because I am a big fan of this mythical concept of "human rights", but because I am a Chinaman, and if there is something a Chinaman is good at, it is making money. And Goddammit even the cendol seller knows our government needs the money.

Now, our country has been trying to promote various types of niche tourism activities. We open plush hospitals and promote 'medical tourism'. We have Taman Negara and so someone said, let's do 'eco-tourism'. Then someone said, let's copy those Kiasuwankers down south and do 'Shopping Tourism' so now we have Malaysian Megasale.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, "PROTEST TOURISM".

The Tourism Ministry can coordinate with whoever wants to hold a protest and they could come up with promotional activities, you know, to spur the economy and promote spending. They missed a huge opportunity with the Lynas protest in Kuantan the other day! I mean I have friends who thought Kuantan was up North near Penang (serious!). They could have chartered busses to ferry people from KL to Kuantan on the Saturday before the protest. On Saturday, all these KL folk could have gone to famous landmarks such as Teluk Cempedak and Sungai Lembing. Package it with a hotel room and another bus to send people to the protest area. All for just RM100++. Majukan perlancongan untuk negara!

But no fear, another great opportunity presents itself!

Come April 28th, BERSIH intends to have a sit-down protest in Dataran Merdeka and they are targetting 500,000 attendees. I have a few pointers for Tourism Malaysia to consider seriously:

1. Ferry people from outside KL to promote Cuti-cuti Malaysia. Package a two way bus ride with a motel room in Petaling Street (including dim sum breakfast at Yok Tho Hin Restaurant). Only RM88+

2. Barricade Dataran Merdeka, charge RM2 per entrance. Easy RM1mil profit.

3. For a nominal sum, say RM10, people can purchase a "Protest Survival Kit" at the entrance. The kit shall include a vial of salt, poncho and goggles. For an additional fee of RM50, participants can rent a gas mask. Old people might not be able to sit for long, so sell picnic chairs for RM15.

4. For the adventurous tourists, offer a front row seat where the action is. We can call it "Water & Smoke Experience" RM20 to martyr yourself. Comes with a photo of you getting showered by the water cannon truck. Additional RM5 for a "I SURVIVED THE WATER & SMOKE EXPERIENCE" certificate. Always useful for showing off to your friends later. T-shirt optional.

5. For the richer tourists, who would like to be there but would not like to risk getting too close to the action, we can set up Corporate Boxes in the nearby Sultan Abdul Samad building overlooking the padang. Only RM5000 per box, and you can invite 10 friends to come along and watch the action down below. Prawn sandwiches, Godiva chocolates and Moet champagne will be served.

6. Finally, the coup de grace - this activity should not be limited to Malaysians. With proper branding, we can attract tourists from Singapore and China who will never, ever in their lives get to experience a proper protest in their home countries. We can also market this novel idea to the Arabs as a training ground for when they next intend to overthrow their Draconian government. Of course our government is not Draconian, but the Arabs have to learn by taking baby steps. And it goes without saying that we shouldn't even bother marketing this idea in USA and Europe. They have way more experience in this, but are stupid for not thinking of monetizing the idea. No wonder they seem to be going bankrupt.

I have the ideas but lack the funding. Do hit me up if you intend to venture into this new and exciting business opportunity with me.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

emotionally bankrupt

When 15% of your dead loyal followers start harassing you for updates, you really gotta give it to them. Score one for my propaganda, but I should also add that those 15% actually amount to about 3 people.

My good friends will note (and I think I've said it on my old blog a few times) that I don't call myself a blogger. I am just a dude who, one Easter holiday, while procrastinating on my 3rd year project, chanced upon this 'blogging' fad and hopped on to it, getting very good at telling people what I thought, and pissing off a lot of people along the way. But it wasn't like a log or journal of what was going on - it was mostly a commentary or a sharing of experiences.

Then it got old.

I found other (more productive) ways of amusing myself and spending my free time. Plus, most of what I say here is redundant anyway. Most of my thoughts are well documented, most of my beliefs are well stated and most of my theories have been shared with anybody who cared to listen - either here or in my old blog. Therefore, I felt I had nothing much else to add or say.

Until this week.

Earlier this week, there was a video circulating around Facebook of a certain poodle getting abused by a bloke in a messy room. And oh, would you believe the outrage? Of course, I am familiar with online witch hunts and this was no different - what with all the mistaken identity of the so-called assailants.

What struck me was the fact that loads of people showed extreme sadness over a dog. Or to put it crudely, "just a dog". But there people were, crying (literally) over a video that they watched, or in some cases couldn't bear to watch. For me, I couldn't watch the video because it got boring after the 2nd minute. For me the more pressing question was - what so fun about watching a dude beat up a dog that people had to watch for 15 minutes?

Would I be pissed if it was MY dog? I don't know - probably. I mean I had a dog who was poisoned when I was a kid (they poisoned my dog because they wanted to rob my neighbour's house the following week). But was I crying? No, in fact I was more worried that my dog's ghost would haunt my house.

But it is some random stranger and some random dog who didn't even die, didn't get his eyes gouged out or anything; heck the bones weren't even broken, it was just slapped around silly. And let me clarify here - I am not supporting that bloke; I think he should be thrown in jail for abuse.

My point here was that I didn't understand all the emotions running through the minds of people watching the video - enough to make them cry and lose sleep over it? As I noted on my Facebook wall (ever the oracle of my wisdom these days):

If happiness is the absence of sadness, then the secret to eternal happiness is apathy. Because you can't get upset if you don't give a crap.

Yes, a certain woman of historical past would love to remind me that I am "emotionally bankrupt" but I retort by saying I sleep better at night. I never get upset over issues like that, and contrary to popular belief, I am a way happier person than most. I don't get myself worked up. I don't worry about issues I cannot resolve. And for issues that I can resolve, I compartmentalize them into neat little boxes in the back of my mind to be handled systematically.

Try it, folks.

The following day, Mikey, my current partner in crime and I were throwing around jokes, dissing the idiots who hacked the alleged abuser's FB account and the morons who were leaving threatening messages - come on folks, that's really stupid because I am sure the police take more seriously death threats against human beings more seriously than some topless dude slapping around poodles. If that "Doreen" girl wanted to press charges, I am damn sure the police would find a solid case against the online mob.

And Mikey was saying how she thought it would be funny if either of us were to go to that hacked FB account and leave messages on the wall - "I wish my dog could stand on two legs!" I added in "Damn that's a smart dog!" or "You have madzz dog training skillzz - can you train my cat?"

OH HOW TASTELESS.

Did we mean it? Of course not. It was tasteless humour that we enjoy only amongst ourselves but that took our minds of some random event that we had no control over.

Am I emotionally bankrupt?

Probably. But that also means I sleep better at night not worrying over things I cannot control.